GnomeCARE

The other night, I arrived home to find a magazine on my doorstep. It was called HomeCARE- "We Bring the Store to Your Door!" Which for some reason needed to all be in capitals.

After browsing through this magazine, I quickly realised it was created for those who have no hands, no legs and simply have never lived in this planet we call Earth. I mean some of these items might have been exciting if I just had a ridiculous amount of money (I'm talking like Septillion dollars) that I could really afford to waste, REALLY JUST WASTE my money on this bullshit, but I don't have Septillion dollars, and I have hands! Let me provide you with some bright evidence.

Exhibit A:
Handy Jar Openers because I'm elderly and have never been able to open a jar of Vegemite. Just $9.90, the price to feed an African child for 9.9 days.

Exhibit B:
Microfibre Fruit Cloth because my hands burn when I touch apples.
$5.90- The amount Jack would have received if he sold his magic beans.

Exhibit C: A close second
Ladies Tool Set because the world is sexist.
Fuck the tool set, I want a vibrator: $19.90

Exhibit D:
Dolphin Drawer Knobs because I'm gay.
$4.90: Buy Ke$ha on a good day.

Exhibit E: My personal favourite
Crush cans with ease- fit more into your recycling bin... no comment.
$22.90- The price of a small farm barn.

Now I know there's not much of me in this post... but I felt like these images were enough. You're welcome world,
Naushin.

PS: I really hope HomeCARE doesn't sue me. If they do, I'll tell them I did it because they're a menace to the universe.